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ISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS (1)Practical Wisdom from Proverbs 1:1-9
Proverbs begins with the purpose for which it was written: “To know wisdom and instruction…to give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the young” (Pro. 1:2, 4). The fruit of such a wise life includes long life, riches and honor (3:16). And this road that leads to wisdom begins with the fear of the LORD (1:7; 9:10).
In Proverbs 1:8 we have the first exhortation given to the son: “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.” And let’s be clear, to “hear” a father’s instruction is to obey it. We know this from the parallel thought in the second half of the verse: “forsake not your mother’s teaching.” Often a proverb will have two lines or halves that are synonymous in thought, with the second reinforcing the first.
Perhaps you’ve seen a scenario similar to this one—with some-body else’s child of course. Dad’s instructions are ignored, and with much frustration he says, “Son, didn’t you hear what I told you to do?” The barely audible, polite response is, “Yes, I heard you,” which interpreted means, “Yes, I heard what you told me to do, but I didn’t feel like doing it.” I call this polite disobedience. Rude disobedience is when the son (or daughter) defiantly says, “I heard you, but I’m not about to do what you’re telling me to do.” But notice that whether the disobedience is polite or rude, it’s still disobedience.
If I can summarize the first eight verses in Proverbs, it goes something like this: I, Solomon, son of David, king of Israel, have written these words so that young people may acquire knowledge and wisdom. But for this to happen they must have a healthy fear of the LORD and they must listen to their parents. At this point we’re still laying the necessary foundation upon which a wise and prudent life can be built.
Proverbs was written to pass on wisdom to the next generation, but it doesn’t come through osmosis by watching TV or playing video games. It comes predominately through mom and dad. “My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments… Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets under-standing” (3:1, 13). This is a theme we see interwoven throughout several chapters in Proverbs: Listen to your parents and gain wisdom… listen to your parents and gain wisdom…listen to your parents and gain wisdom (see also 1:8-20; 2:1-6; 4:1-5). And of course the converse is also true: Disregard your parents and remain a fool.
If children listen to their parents, what can they expect to receive? The answer is, in addition to knowledge and wisdom, honor. “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your necks” (vv. 8-9). “Graceful garland” and “pendants” are ancient images of honor. Proverbs 4:8-9 can act as a commentary: “Prize her highly, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her. She will place on your head a graceful garland; she will bestow on you a beautiful crown.” As I think about the men and women that God has honored throughout Church history, and even today, the vast majority had tremendous respect for their parents, especially their fathers.
At this point, I’d like to clarify a couple of verses that can be misunderstood and abused, Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the LORD with your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Some interpret this as, “Trust in the LORD and not in your parents,” but this ignores the broader context, where children are expressly commanded to follow their parents (3:1). Rather, we should understand that one of the ways we trust in the LORD is by listening to our parents.
Proverbs 3:7 provides a warning that some teenagers especially need to heed: “Be not wise in your own eyes.” You might be familiar with the bell-shaped curve, where at one end younger children around 3 or 4 years old think their parents know almost everything. Then at the peak of the bell-shaped curve those around 17 or 18 sometimes think that they know it all (certainly far more than their unenlightened parents). Finally, at the other end of the curve, those around 22 or 23 conclude that their parents were really pretty smart after all. Even half-way educated people have learned that the more you learn the more you learn how much there is to learn. This results in humility and an openness to the counsel of others, like one’s parents who have learned a few things through the years. On the other hand, arrogance can blind a person to their own ignorance. Consequently, some people are so dumb that they’re not even smart enough to know they’re dumb.
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ISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS (2)Practical Wisdom from Proverbs 1:1-9
Perhaps you’re a teenager and you’re thinking it’s about time you moved beyond your parents’ instruction. Your thinking, “I’m old enough to make my own decisions.” There’s a lot implied in that statement that you need to ponder (I’m greatly indebted to Norm Wakefield for pointing out the following implications and showing how our culture has encouraged and fostered this type of independent, rebellious thinking).
First, it implies that at a certain age (say 18), the counsel of your parents is no longer needed. Or, maybe what you’re really saying is that your parents’ counsel is no longer desired, because what you want is contrary to what they think is in your best interest.
Second, there’s the implication that “my own decisions” are made in isolation from everybody else around me, and they only affect me. We are not islands unto ourselves. In reality—if we can get in touch with reality for a moment—there is no such thing as “my own decisions” for anybody at any age, since all our decisions affect those around us, which includes our family, church and community.
Third, it implies that I have now arrived and have enough wisdom, insight and understanding to determine what is best for me. This kind of arrogant thinking discards scores of verses in Proverbs that teach, regardless of age, that “in an abundance of counselors there is safety” (11:14), and that “a wise man listens to advice” (12:15; see also 13:10; 15:22; 20:18). The irony is that “I’m old enough to make my own decisions” is a comment that an older, wiser person wouldn’t be dumb enough to make.
Unfortunately, our culture and government have encouraged individualism and the right to make one’s “own decisions” at certain ages. For example, at 17 you have the lawful right to watch rated R movies regardless of what your parents think. At 18 or 21, depending on the state, you have the right to lust, gamble and even fornicate with prostitutes. Our government has determined that any child at any age at any time during the pregnancy (at least this is true of Illinois) has the right to get an abortion without parental consent. But in defense of the government I must hasten to add that they don’t allow minors to be given aspirin without parental consent. Our courts even grant 12-year-olds, with all their vast wisdom, the right to divorce their parents.
“Well, at what age is a person old enough to make their own decisions?” you ask. Consider the age of the son in Proverbs. We’re not told his exact age, but we are given some clues. For instance, we know that he is old enough to have wealth, produce, barns and vats. His father admonishes him, “Honor the LORD with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine” (3:9-10). This eliminates most 15 year olds, even most 25 year olds. Also, he is old enough to be married (5:18). Amazingly, his father gives him marital and sexual counsel. And perhaps even more amazingly, this son seems to still respect his father, and desire his godly counsel.
Why do we assume that Proverbs is addressing young children or teenagers? Because in our American culture, unlike many other cultures, only little kids are expected to listen to their parents. For 6 years I was at a Korean church, and it was eye-opening for me to see the respect that was shown to parents and elders. When you approached an older person you bowed. Children didn’t go to college or get married without their parents’ approval. The average kid in America today could care less what their parents’ think about their choice of college or spouse or “alternative lifestyle.”
In the Hebrew culture, adult sons still had an obligation to listen to their fathers. Read the book of Genesis and you’ll see that this is a given. This doesn’t mean that fathers controlled their son, but it does mean that fathers always had the right to instruct their sons, and we could even say the obligation to instruct them. Another passage is prone to misunderstanding here, namely Gen. 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife…” But the application is not that your parents can no longer counsel you. Again, Proverbs 5:18 is a married son receiving counsel from his father.
What does the perfect Father and Son relationship look like? Something like this: “So Jesus said to them, ‘When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am he, and that I do nothing on my own authority, but speak just as the Father taught me. And he who sent me is with me. He has not left me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to him’” (Jn. 8:28-29).
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